The Mother’s Decathlon
Event #1: Five Plate Dinner Dash: Prepare five different meals for five picky eaters, in less than thirty minutes.
Event #2: Creative Cookoff: Create as many meals as possible from one bowl of pasta, using ordinary ingredients. Bonus points for including a green vegetable. Triple bonus points if children actually eat the food presented.
Event #3: The Hurky-Jerky: Simultaneously haul two children from minivan to sidewalk and back again, without letting their feet touch the ground. Repeat for the number of errands in any given morning.
Event #4: Supermarket Sprint: Select and purchase one week’s worth of healthful groceries with two children in tow, before naptime, without giving into the “cookie chant.”
Event #5: Shower Skill: Shampoo and condition hair, exfoliate body, cleanse face, and shave legs in between commercial breaks on the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon (or between baby’s cries, if child is under the age of one).
Event #6: Morning Sprint: Clothe children in clean articles suitable to be worn outside the home (e.g. no pajamas), provide breakfast, pack lunches, eat something yourself, and kiss husband, in less than 30 minutes.
Event #7: Bath Balance: Bathe children and shampoo hair while avoiding tantrums for getting water in eyes and fights over squirty bath toys. Bonus points for staying somewhat dry and for getting older children out of the tub before the water temperature dips below 70 degrees.
Event #8: Seatbelt Samba: Strap children into carseats before they successfully remove cotas, hats or mittens. If any article of clothing is removed, you must begin again.
Event #9: Music Mayhem: Maintain sanity during two hour car trip with children listening to one CD (their choice) the entire time.
Event #10: Motherhood Marathon: Complete events 1-9 every day for ten (or so) years.
Awj
3 march 08
