Thursday, January 05, 2006

A Day in the Life

Or, why two children are better than one

1. You get to use all of the stuff you absolutely HAD to have for your first child all over again--the swing, the pack n play, the bouncy seat, the boppy, the exersaucer, the high chair, the booster seat, the diaper pail, the crib, the bassinet, etc.

2. You will understand what your parents went through and have a new appreciation for them. The phrase "man, mom and dad didn't have a clue" suddenly vanishes from your vocabulary.

3. You find yourself turning into your mother and uttering such things as "because I said so," "because I'm the parent and you're the child" and "you don't have a choice about this," which you SWORE you would NEVER EVER say when you became an adult.

4. You will eventually have someone else to pawn off lawn mowing, snow shoveling and leaf raking ceremonies onto.

5. You have a real reason to watch kiddy movies again.

6. You will be shocked by the content of said kiddy movies and wonder aloud how your parents could have let you watch them as a kid.

7. Kid-friendly (read: non-nutritious) food suddenly makes its way into your once additive-free kitchen.

8. You haven't really lived until you've been peed on, spat up on, and/or thrown up on. You can earn bonus points if the last is of the projectile nature.

9. Middle age starts looking really good, especially when you think about being able to sleep in past 6:30 a.m. on a regular basis.

10. Every time you tell your two-year-old "I love you," you hear "I love you too, Mommy." Don't expect this to last beyond preschool.

11. You can justify wearing sweats, leggings, yoga pants and workout clothes out of the house (see #8).

12. You get to memorize the timetable of Noggin, and discuss the demise of your child's favorite show that was pulled without warning with other parents. They actually understand how this is huge in your child's life, and they don't look at you as though you are speaking Greek.

13. All knowledge and ability to speak Greek leaves your head the moment the TV timetable enters it. Don't mourn--you'll have the opportunity to relearn everything you forgot as your children go through school.

14. You are verbally reminded every day that you shop too much. Evidence: your child knows how to read "Kroger," "Meijer," and "Kohl's" on the side of the building.

15. Your dry cleaning bill goes down drastically (see #11).

16. You have a brand-new appreciation for "date night" with your spouse. After years of complaining (pre-children) that "there's nothing to do tonight--except dinner and a movie--yawn, yawn," you are eager to see just about anything that comes out at the multiplex as long as it doesn't have a cute character or a catchy, repetitive theme song that your child memorizes within five minutes of exposure.

17. Forget critiquing literature. Your critical thinking skills are put to much better use by debating the educational value of the myriad of kids' shows on t.v. Every playgroup or play date affords you the opportunity to debate these values with other moms. Lucky you! And you said you never got to use your brain.

18. Fortunately, with two children, the older one always has someone to play with. Unfortunately, with two children, the older one is usually playing with the younger one.

19. All the toys you loved as a kid have suddenly come back into vogue for the new generation. Unfortunately, they aren't nearly as fun to play as an adult.

20.You will never, ever, ever in a million years be bored.


Legion said...

Wow, you only mentioned Greek in two. For me, it was ALL Greek. :D

Buttttt, that said, nice post. I particularly enjoyed the ability to earn extra points for various, um, bodily fluids.

Of course I am a boy.

trAcy said...

i think you just listed all the reasons i don't want to have little ones around all the time.

and the teenagers that are my cousins now, while "good" kids, are still just not as interesting as people my age.

but, i know, i know, the joy part. at least i can presume that. i "love kids" and lament not having loving offspring in theory and in the projection of older age, but i'm comfy with sleeping when and wherever i please.

tho, friends of mine seem very seamless in integrating their kids into our adult world of camping and junk.