Wednesday, February 03, 2010


I am fighting a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and in my heart. I don't know why--nothing specific has happened other than the snow. Today was very gray and that never helps. We are supposed to get more than a foot more snow this weekend. It's DH's birthday on Saturday and he doesn't want to do anything special. We looked for a play or musical to go see and couldn't find anything we both liked. Since he has to be so careful with diet and exercise, he doesn't want a cake or a special meal. How are we supposed to celebrate?

I didn't sleep well, which never helps. DS crawled into bed with us at some untold hour in the early morning, and from 6 a.m. on, he tossed and turned and kept his toes in the waistband of my pajamas, right in my butt crack. What a lovely way to wake up. When he finally left, DH rolled over and pinned me on my quarter of the bed. No sleep for me. And since there was no school, and there was shoveling, and daycare, and shorter daycare hours, there was no workout today, which also never helps.

I know, there are legions of people who regularly rise before 6 a.m. and don't want to hear my bitching. I am not one of those people. I have trouble functioning on less than eight hours of sleep. I have had all sorts of body chemistry tests done to make sure that hormones and other physical issues are not to blame for my lack of functioning on less than 8 hours of sleep. They aren't. It's all good. I'm just quirky and weird.

I hate winter.

The kids whined when they had to go to daycare this morning. DS said, "But I want to stay home with you!" So I worked and ran errands quickly to try to pick them up a little early. I figure, I listened, right? They requested and I tried to oblige. When I picked them up, all I got were complaints about having picked them up early. "I didn't get a snack." "I didn't get to finish my game," etc. Sod it. I'm tired of trying to cater to everyone else in the family.

And I am sick to death of cleaning up other people's messes. At what age are people capable of learning to pick up after themselves? Reason #12,481 why I would never get a dog or a cat....

One more lesson to edit and then I can go make dinner. Yippee.

Maybe this feeling will go away with sleep.Or yoga. Or deep breathing. Or a good, rattle my bones cry.

I wish I knew the answer.


Anna Bananas said...

::::hug:::: I wish I could drive over and share some coffee/tea with you and listen and make you feel better :-( I hope you find some solace tonight.

Applecart T. said...

no, no pets with fur and mammal poop for you. no question.

2. kids (and some adults) don't remember always what they thought their needs were hours ago. they want what they want when they want them. you were a saint to try, but i bet the work of coming early was huge-er than any feeling they had … NOT that i would recommend staying home with them all day … they would have rebelled at some point

3. shoveling snow IS a workout

4. for birthday, i recommend a hotel room with a hot tub / sauna / pool, a few movies you both like, some heart healthy snacks and foot / back / etc. massages that anyone is interested in … be they from DW or from spa person in the hotel. swimming and sleeping is fun without kids, right? there has to be some place around there that offers super healthy and tasty meals at the same time!

5. snow is depressing to urbanites. someday, you should get thee to a sunnier place.