many the miles

"how far do i have to go to get to you?
many the miles...
many the miles..."

good friends feel far away.
the internet is supposed to make us feel closer, but even if the cyberdistance is nil, the physical distance still exists, and nothing with an 'e' prefix is going to change that.

i am fighting the seasonal-affective (undiagnosed but present) sadness and disarray. lots of forces have teamed up to throw me random curve balls. i try to hit them all out of the park, but once in a while (to continue the beleaguered metaphor), i have to take one for the team and get beaned on the head.

snow. too much effing snow. i've never been a snow lover, despite growing up and residing in ohio for much of my life. i certainly don't love snow now that i live in a city that is ill-equipped to handle it. i haven't seen mail since friday. the recycling truck came this morning but we had no place to put the detrius thanks to the snow. not sure when trash guys are coming. roads are icy in the neighborhood; driveway was slick despite my shoveling. i should post pictures soon.

the move happened. we have too much stuff and too many boxes. i wonder if i will ever see the floors in any of the rooms.

health crap still exists for dh and me.

work is a dead zone. had to come into the office this morning because the cable (internet and phone too) went out yesterday afternoon. no telecommuting for me. one hour in traffic, even though i left at 9 a.m., which is supposed to be the end of rushhour. guess all had the same idea. there is alleged work to be done, although my inbox has been empty for several hours.

sick of holiday ads and sales and crap. we don't need more stuff. we need to fix what's broken in the government and society. a kindle isn't going to do that. sorry.

don't know what to get my dad for hanukkah. it's over, but i didn't buy for him. he doesn't need anything. he doesn't want anything that i know of (except for obama to be out of office, but that's something i don't care to participate in).

i don't know what's for dinner, where my hairbrush is, why i'm still at work with nothing to do, or what i'm going to do with the kids on friday. movie? there is that new princess and the frog thing, i guess. that could be fun.

dh told me to smile on the way out the door this morning. "eff you" i whispered under my breath. i don't feel like smiling. i'll smile when the sun comes out, when it doesn't get dark at 4 p.m., when the snow is gone and the ground has dried, when i can eat more than 1200 calories a day and not feel guilty, when i can sleep past 6:45 a.m., when politicians stop effing around with healthcare, when we get out of wars we shouldn't be in, when the boxes are unpacked, when i find a therapist and up my medicine....

it feels like january. or february. we're still in december?

it's dark out. must be time to head home.